A place for all humankind to listen and learn. As long as you keep quiet and don't interrupt.

A new concept in travel - EXTREME self catering holidays ...

The key elements of this new initiative of mine, are:
  • there is no key - you have to smash the front door down on arrival
  • the kettle is bunged up with limescale and you have to scrape it clean with a lavatory brush (not supplied)
  • there are at least one thousand bluebottles in the main bedroom, and you have to kill them all with a single rolled up newspaper (supplied)
  • there is a dead rat in the toilet, and when you flush it, another bigger one takes its place
  • there is no hot water, so you have to bathe in the garden pond (supplied)
  • the pond is full of sex starved koi carp.
All my EXTREME properties supply a welcome pack of a bottle of energy drink, a box of plasters, an aspirin, a newspaper (rolled), one sheet of toilet paper, one light bulb (you'll enjoy trying to find it in the dark).

The head of the Isle of Kevin Tourism Council will be boring us with a slide presentation, and introducing us to the first couple to sign up for a week in one of my exclusive 'condemned cottages'.

Apparently, it was either that or a week in Bognor Regis.

No contest, obviously.